The Disney Rundown

If you aren’t making the trek down to Florida for the Disney Marathon this Sunday, you can get a great view of the course with the warp-speed 180 second video of the entire 26.2 mile course featured below.  Sadly the 524 mph pace is not one that any human, animal, or magical Disney character can duplicate.  That doesn’t, however, mean that there won’t be plenty of Disney magic to be had this Sunday.

And while none of our favorite pals would be able clock a 3-minute marathon, that’s not to say that there wouldn’t be some strong finishers among the Disney cast.  In fact, as an exercise in marathon analysis (and as a Friday afternoon diversion) we have put together race day predictions for this notorious hodgepodge of lovable loons.

The Disney Leaderboard

Aladdin:

(2:45) Next to the White Rabbit (who is too dodgy to compete) Aladdin is Disney’s best all-around athlete. He’s got the speed and agility to race through the craziest of market obstacles and, frankly, should forgo Sunday’s race and head straight for an Olympic training facility to start his decathlon training. With his lithe frame, natural endurance and Genie friend, Aladdin will probably be the first Disney finisher.

Goofy:

(2:50) He might be gangly but should goofy get those long gams moving in the same direction, he has the potential to paw his way to a more-than-respectable finish.

Rafiki:

(3:00) With the wisdom of any mandrill-baboon hybrid, Rafiki knows his way around a 26.2 mile course. The fact that the run starts before the sun rises doesn’t phase him, he barely uses his eyes anyway. With his propensity to help talented people and that wonderful walking stick for a prop, Rafiki will make a perfect pacer for the 3:00 group.

Belle:

(3:15) Clearly Belle will have read all the books and course maps and be best prepared to run a smart marathon. Whether or not the running shoes her father cooked up in his invention studio makes her fly like the wind or fall flat on her face remains to be seen. However, if she can pull it all together, look for a yellow blur that will leave Gaston’s “five-dozen egg” chugging butt in the dust.

Mary Poppins:

(3:40)  This graceful dame will undoubtedly run a flawless race; what with all the proper accoutrement she’ll have brought to prepare for race day it can hardly be avoided.  With gear on and carpet bag neatly checked, she’ll be sure to have a perfect Marathon Sunday and hit the Boston Marathon qualifying time for practically perfect 30-something runners right on the nose.

Nemo:

(4:20) Without the East Australian Current, this young one has to rely on his own strength and determination. Good thing he has that in spades. A surprisingly fast finish for this underdog.

Sleeping Beauty:

(4:25) Given her propensity to sleep, one might think that she might not even make it to the starting line. However, she spent the majority of her youth frolicking through the woods, which means she must have built up some endurance over the years.

Prince Charming:

(4:45) He’s got the genes and, knowing him, has the conditioning, too. However, this talented gent is notorious for showing up late in the game. He’ll probably cross the finish line much later than you might expect.

Donald Duck:

(4:50) Compression socks have nothing on the sheer efficiency and cooling benefits of pants-free attire. (Ever wonder how streakers seem so incredibly fast?) With no shorts to hold him back, this webbed-footed wonder will more than make up from his ample tush and stubby legs.  Anyone who has been chased by a goose will understand the speed a fowl foe can get when motivated to really move.

Pinocchio:

(5:05)  Initially carved from piece of pine, Pinocchio was created in 1883. One might think that his age will act as a major inhibitor to his success in this year’s road race. However, many pines are known to surpass an age of 1,000 years, so if you do the math, Pinocchio is still approximately 10 years old. However, even at his “young” age, he will have to be careful not to trip on his own strings.  No need for a ChampionChip on this young fellow, if he cuts the course, we’ll know.

Wall-E:

(5:20) Pretty new to the Disney scene of characters, Wall-E has some big shoes to fill…and he doesn’t even have the feet to do it. Wall-E’s major advantage is his ability to keep rolling in the most adverse conditions. Come rain, shine, or planet-wide environmental meltdown, he’ll roll along.

Tigger:

(5:25) While you might think a tiger would have a distinct advantage in a foot race, this cat is not going to break any marathon records. While he certainly has the energy and endurance, he does not have the technique.  Even if he can manage to stay focused (an unlikely scenario) his tail-bouncing style will cost him dearly in terms of pace.

Hercules:

(5:30) Zeus’ boy will probably run the race like the classic overbuilt, under-prepared jock.  Look for a sprint at the start and a grueling 15+ miles of progressively slower splits.

Mickey:

(5:50) Neither age nor the constant waving is on his side in this endurance race. But worry not, the Disney icon isn’t in it for a PR. As the consummate host, Mickey just wants to make sure everyone is enjoying the race and having a good time. Look for him to walk for stretches shaking hands and smiling with fans as he trots along the 26.2 mile course through the home that mickey built.

Minnie:

(6:10) This 82 year old lady is sure to make her sweetheart proud. Don’t be fooled by her sweet demeanor and cute polka-dot dress, this mouse is fit and ready to scamper her way to the Masters’ podium.  We only wonder how she will manage all 26.2 in those heels!

Dumbo:

(6:25) He can fly. He can fly. He can fly. However, he’s got to cross the timing mats to keep the race official. Therefore, Dumbo will have to rely on his ordinary feet instead of his extraordinary ears. This lovable lumbering giant will probably play caboose at this year’s race…which is a good thing since those timing mats are sure to break once he passes over.

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